Aviation jokes

"I've never flown before, said the

nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely, won't

you?
"All I can say ma'am," said the pilot, "is that I've never left

anyone up there yet!"

A small twin-prop
commuter plane was
hijacked by a desperate animal rights extremist who
vowed to kill one
of the passengers to demonstrate his serious intentions.
There were
two passengers present, a microbiologist and a yeast
geneticist.
The hijacker gave each one two minutes to explain why they
shouldn't
be killed. The microbiologist (who studied bacteria) talked for 1

minute 59 seconds explaining that he studies bacteria, bacteria are

model organisms for the study of genetics and physiology etc. etc. and

finished with an emotional, bacteria-laden plea which had the

Stewardess"
"Yes, Sir?" "I want to
complain about this airline. Every time I
fly, I get the same seat, I
can't see the in-flight movie and there are
no windows blinds so I
can't sleep." "Captain, shut up and land the
plane."

After an overnight flight to meet my father
at
his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at
Rhein-Main
Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all
under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the
cramped
customs area. A young customs official watched our
entourage in disbelief,
''Ma'am,'' he said, ''do all these children
and this luggage
belong to you?''

''Yes, sir,'' my
mother said with a sigh, ''they're all
mine.''

The
customs agent began his interrogation: ''Ma'am, do you have any

A husband suspects his wife is having an

affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the
husband
just knew when his wife said:

"Honey, I've told you
once, I've told you twice, I've told you
niner thousand times,
negative on the affair ..."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola
on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to
fly to
Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah,
whatever."

Once as Laloo was coming out of airport,
there was huge rush
and the security guard told him, "Wait Please."

To which Laloo replied, "65 kgs," and moved on.

ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions?
"

Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument
Rating."

ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."

A young guy in a
two-engine fighter was
flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a
nuisance, acting like
a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.
The hotdog
said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

The
veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot."
The B-52
continued its flight, straight and level.

Perplexed, the hotdog asked,
"So? What did you do?"
"I just shut down two engines, kid."

"Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your

wings.."
"OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!"