beer

Where do Martians drink beer
?
At a mars bar !

What happened when the
barman died?
The police held an inn-quest

How do
barmen surf the
web?
On the Gin-ternet.

An angry wife was
complaining
about her husband spending so much time at the pub, so one night
he
took her along.
"What'll ya have?" he asked.
"Oh, I
don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replied.
So the husband
ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in
one
gulp.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately

spit it out. "Yuck, that's nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I don't

know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried
the husband. "And you think I'm out
enjoying myself every
night!"

Marley stopped at the town
barbershop for a
haircut. After thirty-five minutes of snipping and
cutting, the barber
held a mirror behind Marley's head.
"How
you like it?" asked the barber. "Real fine," said the redneck.
"But
how 'bout making it a little longer in the back?"

A Russian walks into a bar
and orders a
beer. "That will be one ruble," says the bartender.
"One ruble!"
the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty
kopeks!" "Well,"
replies the bartender, "it's fifty kopeks for the beer
and fifty
kopecs for the perestroika." Reluctantly, the customer
gives the bartender
a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender
gives him back fifty
kopecs and says, "We are out of beer."

A guy goes up to this girl
in a bar and
says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I
don't like this song, but even if I did, I
wouldn't
dance with
you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I
said you
look
fat in those pants."

WARNING: consumption of
alcohol may
lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you
to telephone
them at four in the morning.

A Scotsman is sitting in a

bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large
black
beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of
whisky. The
bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts
walking out
the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to
pay for
that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The
bartender says,
"Alright then" and the man leaves.

A few minutes
later another man with a large black beard walks in. The
man goes
to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves
him,

WARNING: consumption of
alcohol may
lead you to believe you are invisible.