Biologist jokes

A couple of biologists had twins.
One
they called John and the other control.

Q: what's a biologists definition of a
graph
A: an animal with a long neck

Do molecular biologists
wear designer
genes?

"A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a

pint of Adenosinetriphosphate.
The barman says "That'll be 80p
[ATP]!"

There were these two Engineers who decided

they would go moose hunting in the backwoods of British Columbia. As
it
happened, they lucked out and got a moose. Unfortunately, they
were
about a mile from their truck. They were having a tough time
dragging the
animal by the hind legs when a Wildlife Biologist
happened upon them.

He said, "You know, the hair follicles on a moose
have a grain to them
that causes the hair to lie toward the back.
The way you are dragging
that
moose, it increases your coefficient
of friction by a huge margin. If
you
grab it by the antlers and

A
group of goose biologists were meeting
to brainstorm about the migration
tactics of Canada geese. They
were particularly interested in applying
for a $100,000 Federal grant
to investigate the "V" formation of goose
flight. It had been
observed that one side of the "V" is always
longer than the other side.
This group would put together a research
proposal to apply for the
$100,000 grant and hopefully find out why this
happens.

To
start off the discussion, Todd, the Consulting Firm Biologist stands

up and says in typical consultant fashion, "I say we ask for $200,000,

An
old mountain man in Arkansas was sick
and bedridden. He had not been
outdoors for a few weeks and had a
sharp craving for a meal of wild
squirrel. He summoned his
half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to
go squirrel hunting and
bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told
his son to be very
careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he
would need its
brains later to "tan" the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a
skin using the
animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas,
it
generally takes about one brain to tan one skin).

The idiot son spent

Q: How so you call a
member of the
finacial staff of the faculty of Biology?
A: A Buy-ologist.

A
young biologist was sitting on a stump
at the edge of their camp. On his
face was the saddest hangdog
expression. One of the other biologists
saw his sad looks and asked,
"What's the matter?"

The young biologist said, "They put me in
the same tent with old
Doctor Perkins. He snores all night, takes a
bath once a month, and talks
non-stop about back when he studied
passenger pigeons. He's so damn old,
I think he was a lackey for
Charles Darwin. He generally just makes my
life Hell. We had a big
fight about it and they split us up for a
month"

The older

A biologist from the North Pole was showing
a new
recruit the ropes of a polar bear radio tracking program. The
new
recruit said, "I know how the transmitters work, but I have one

question--how do you catch the polar bears in the first place?" "I
bet you use
high-powered tranquilizer dart guns, right?"
"Oh
no!" the experienced biologist replied, "we use an ancient
Eskimo
technique, developed centuries ago. First, we dig a huge hole in the

ice. Next, we place a circle of green peas all the way around the hole.

Then, we go hide behind some ice blocks and wait. Finally, when a