Business jokes

INTERVIEWER to job
applicant: "Do you
think you could come up with any reason you want this
job other than
your parents want you out of their house?"

The Americans and the Japanese decided to
engage in a boat
race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach
their peak
performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The
Japanese won by a mile.
The American team was discouraged by the loss.
Morale sagged. Corporate
management decided that the reason for the
crushing defeat had to be
found, so a consulting firm was hired to
investigate the problem and
recommend corrective action.
The
Japanese team had six people rowing and one person steering and

rowing; the American team had two people rowing and five people steering.

The social
worker asked the bartender
"What's the difference between your job and
mine?"
The bartender
replied: "I only had to go to bartender school for 6
weeks and I
learned to mix a very good drinks, than wait a couple of hours
to
have people tell me their innermost thoughts while you went to
school
for 6 years, paid thousands and thousands of dollars, sit session

after session using technique after technique, and you still may never

hear them!!!

Why
did the electrician close early on
Mondays?
Because business was very light.

Two government economists were returning

home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were

assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were
occupying
the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle.

They
continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the

subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally

one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they

could talk and he could sleep.

After switching seats, one
economist remarked to the other that it was
the first time an

'I'm very sad to announce this morning,
girls, that
Miss Jones has decided to retire,' said the principal at
morning
assembly. ' Now we will all stand and sing this morning's
hymn....now
Thank We All Our God.'

After being laid off from five
different
jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse. One day he

lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying

the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold

ten percent of Arnold's wages to pay for the repairs. "How much
will it
cost?" asked Arnold. "About $4,500," said the owner.

"What a relief!" exclaimed Arnold. 'I've finally got job

security!"

Boss: "I can assure you that the value of the

average employee will continue to increase."
Employee: "That's
because there will be fewer of us doing more work,
right?"

Boss: "Right. Except for the 'us' part."

An American manufacturer is showing his

machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the
lunch
whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop
work and
leave the building.

"Your workers, they're
escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got
to stop them."

"Don't
worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at
exactly
one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return
from
their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to
his guest and says,
"Well, now, which of these machines would you
like to order?"

A businessman who needed millions of dollars
to
clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money.

By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an

urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100
into the
other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the
church.The
businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now,
Lord, that I have
your undivided attention .... "