Dirty jokes

There are a
lot of folks that can't
understand how we ran out of oil here in the
USA.
Well, here's the
answer: It's simple.........nobody bothered to check
the oil. Didn't
know we were getting low. And of course the reason for
that is
geographical. Most of the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma, and all
the
dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.

This guy
goes to the zoo one day. While
standing in front of the gorilla's cage,
a gust of wind swept some
dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid,
the gorilla went crazy,
bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.
When the guy came to
his senses, he reported the incident to the
zookeeper. Nodding, the
zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid
means "F**k you!"
in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the
victim feel
any better and he vowed revenge.
The next day he purchased two large
knives, two party hats, two party
horns, and a large sausage.

Little Mary was not the best
student in
Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day
the teacher
called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who
created
the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic
boy seated in the
chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the
rear. "God
Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very
good," and Mary fell
back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked
Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior,"
but Mary didn't even stir from
her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to
the rescue, and stuck her

One day there was two boys playing
by a
stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and
the
other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so

long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were

looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the
second
boy took off running.
The first boy couldn't understand why
he ran away so he took off after
his friend. Finally, he caught up
to him and asked why he ran away. The
boy said to his friend, "My
mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I
would turn to stone, and I

Q: Why is being in the
military like a blow
job?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What do a coffin and a condom
have in
common?
A: They're both filled with stiffs, one's coming, one's
going.

Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
A: I
told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

Q: What do you get when you mix a rooster with a

telephone pole?
A: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch
someone

Q: Define Transvestite:
A: A guy who likes to
eat, drink and be Mary.

Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in
common?
A: They are both substitute meats.