Doctor and nurse jokes

Jack: "My brother was sick and

went to the doctor."
John: "Is he feeling better now?"
Jack: "No,
he has a broken arm."
John: "How did he break it?"
Jack: "Well,
the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter
what
happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew
out of
the window."
John: "How did he break his arm?"
Jack: "He fell out
of the window trying to follow the
prescription."

"Doctor, doctor!" said the
panic-stricken woman,
"my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's
swallowed a
mouse! What shall I do?"
"Quite simple," said the
doctor calmly. "You just tie a lump of
cheese to a piece of string and
lower it into your husband's mouth. As
soon as the mouse takes a
bite haul it out."
"Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to
the fishmonger
straight away and get a cod's head."
"What do
you want a cod's head for?"
"Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to
get the cat out first!"

The patient: Tell me, is it true that

alcohol decreases blood pressure?
Doctor: Yes, that is
true.
P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?
D: Yes,
that is also true.
P: So, in average, I live normally.

Doctor: "Good news you passed your
hearing test!"
Patient: "HUH"

When a car skidded on wet pavement
and struck a telephone pole,
several bystanders ran over to help the
driver.
A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed
in and
pushed her back.
"Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've
taken a course in first aid."
The woman watched him for a few
minutes, then tapped his shoulder.
"Pardon me," she said. "But when you
get to the part about calling a
doctor, I'm right here."

What kind of physician works on a

cruise liner?
A dry doc.

Did you hear about the two
podiatrists who
opened their offices on the same street?
They were arch
enemies.

Doctor, doctor, can I have a bottle
of aspirin and
a pot of glue?
Why?
Because I've been at my
computer all day and I've got a splitting
headache!

A nurse had to
take a patient
back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the
effects of
the anesthetic and was rather confused. After nurse had made
her
comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who
asked,
"How is she?"
The nurse replied, "Oh, she's quite dopey."
One
of the friends said, "We know that, but how is she
healthwise?"

What do you get if you have strep
throat on Friday?
Saturday Night Fever.