Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Does killing time damage

eternity?

Do you know what a mice said when
it saw a bat?
Mom ! I see an angel.

Why do you need a driver's
licence to buy liquor
when you can't drink and drive?

"Will I ever be able to race my
horse again" the owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, "You certainly
will, and you'll probably beat her
too!"

After my wife and her former best
buddy, another
Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted
one
husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief
means
of communication. When our phone
bills showed astronomical
increases, the other spouse and I sought
relief. Since we both
owned computers, we
encourage our wives to use electronic mail.

Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent,

then call back to confirm that it
arrived and have a
conversation about the contents!

Q: What is the pink stuff between

elephant's toes?
A: Slow clowns.

The desk
sergeant answered
the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. "You've
got to help
me! There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's
pulling
apples off the tree with its tail!" "What's he doing with the
apples?"
the sergeant asked. "If I told you," the woman cried, "you

wouldn't believe me!"

A couple have not
been
getting along for years, so the husband thinks,
"I'll buy my wife a
cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her
disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this
time he
doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a
birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last
year!"

A Texan walks into a pub in
Ireland and
clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear
you Irish are
a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American
dollars to anybody
in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness
back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's
offer. One man even
leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who
left shows back up
and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet
still good?", asks
the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and
asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of
Guinness. Immediately the

One day there were two boys
playing by
a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to
it and the
other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the
bush so long.
The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The
two boys were
looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of
a sudden the second
boy took off running. The first boy couldn't
understand why he ran away
so he took off after his friend. Finally,
he caught up to him and asked
why he ran away. The boy said to his
friend, "My mom told me if I ever
saw a naked lady I would turn to