Lawyer jokes

Q. Why is it that many lawyers have
broken
noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.

What kind of clothes do lawyers
wear?
Lawsuits.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man,
and a
lawyer were sitting on a train.

The Frenchman offered
everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out
the window, saying,
"Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I
come from."

The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of

the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I

come from."

Then the American threw the lawyer out the
window, saying...

A
judge in a small city was hearing a
drunk-driving case and the
defendant, who had both a record and a
reputation for driving under the
influence, demanded a jury trial. It was
nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury
would take time, so the judge
called a recess and went out in the hall
looking to impanel anyone
available for jury duty. He found a dozen
lawyers in the main lobby
and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers
thought this would
be a novel experience and so followed the judge back
to the
courtroom.
The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why

don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Where is the best place to hide a lawyer?
In
a brief case.

At a
convention of biological scientists
one researcher remarks to another:
"Did you know that in our lab we
have switched from mice to lawyers
for our experiments?"

"Really?" the other replied,
"Why did you switch?"
"Well, for four
very good reasons. First we found that lawyers are far
more plentiful,
second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to
them, third
there are some things even a rat won't do, and fourth
sometimes it
very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings."

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to

her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear
woman," lawyer replied,
"Ever since the Phoenicians invented money
there has been only one
answer to that easy question."

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with
his family. Suddenly,
he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and
fainted.

"Darling, it was just a shark," said his wife when he
came to.
"You've got to stop imagining that there are lawyers
everywhere."

How many lawyers does it take to
change a
lightbulb?
None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.