Marriage jokes

When Mr. Maxwell's wife left him he

couldn't sleep.
"She took the bed!"

QUESTION: What is
honeymoon? ANSWER: That
brief span of time between, "I do" and
"You'd better!"

QUESTION: Do you know what
is honeymoon?
ANSWER: A short period of doting between dating and
debting.

Marriage is nature's way of preventing

people from fighting with strangers.

My wife sez that I'm too extravagant; that

if anything ever happens to her, I'll have to beg. I told her I'd
be
fine. I mean look at all the experience I've got.

QUESTION: Why should a honeymoon only be six
days?
ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week.

Two ladies were hanging out together and one
was depressed.
"What's wrong?"
The depressed one replied,
"I've been married four times and everyone
of my husbands has passed
away."
The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?"
The
depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire,
the
second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth

was a mortician."
And the other said, "Oh, one for the money, two for
the show, three to
get ready, and four to go."

A woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the
artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond
necklace, emerald
bracelets and a ruby pendant."
"But you are not
wearing any of those things."
"I know," she said. "It's in case I
should die before my husband.
I'm sure he will remarry right away,
and I want his new wife to go nuts
looking for the jewelry."

Q:
What do you call two spiders who just
got married?
A: Newlywebs.

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He

didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she

didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.