Mental health jokes

What do you know when you see three

rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats?
You
know you need a psychiatrist!

Why is a psychiatrist like a

squirrel?
Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

Patient: Why did you
charge me a
group rate?
Psychiatrist: You've got multiple personalities.

A woman entered a psychiatrist's
consulting room
leadind a kangaroo."I'm worried about my husband,
doctor, " she said.
"He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo! "

Fred: "Why are you so upset?"
Harry:
"My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning."
Fred: "So
what?"
Harry: "So she said to him, 'Doctor, this is my husband.
You know,
one of the men I've been telling you about'."

Did you hear about
the auto mechanic
who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying
under the
couch?

Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I'm
going
crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear.
Amazing ! so you have.
How could that have happened ?
I can't understand it either,
because I planted cabbage !

The
psychology instructor had just
finished a lecture on mental health and
was giving an oral
test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would

you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the
top of
his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the
next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and
answered, "A basketball
coach?"

Why did the witch go to the
psychiatrist?
Because she thought everybody loved her.

What
happens if you tell a
psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?
He charges you double.