Old age jokes

One day, a grandpa and his grandson
go
golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving

him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the

grandpa says, "When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over
that
tree." So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the
tree
and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added
the
grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet

tall."

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother

started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and
we
don't know where the hell she is.

A grandmother was telling her
little
granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate
outside
on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in

our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the

woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she
said, "I
sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

"Grandma, why don't you
drink tea
anymore?" "I don't like it ever since that tea bag got
stuck in my
throat."

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many
decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a
few times a week
to play cards.

One day they were playing
cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at
me... I know we've been friends for a long
time, but I just can't
remember your name. I've thought and thought, but
I can't recall
it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just looked at
her.

Finally

Do you think my skin is starting to show its

age?"
"I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles."

Are you
getting older and wiser?
No,
he's getting older and wider!

An 80-year-old man is having his annual
checkup.
The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been
better!" he
replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and
having my
child! What
do you think about that?"

The doctor
considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell
you a
story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a
season.
But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his

umbrella instead of his gun."

"So he's in the woods," the
doctor continues, "and suddenly a
grizzly bear appears in front of him!

Seventy-two-year-old Edgar recently picked a

new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab
tests,
the doctor said Edgar was doing "fairly well" for his
age.

A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn't resist asking

the doctor, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

The doctor
asked, "Well, do you smoke or drink beer?"

"Oh no," Edgar
replied, "I've never done either."

Then the doctor asked, "Do you eat
rib-eye steaks and bar-b-qued
ribs?"

Edgar said, "No, I've
heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!"

"Do you spend a

How can you tell that
you're getting old?

You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!