Religious jokes

A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers

asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following

Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she
had
learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby
said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."
Little Johnny
said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know
how
to
drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that,
Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving
down the
highway,
and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of

God is sitting up in his ivory
tower,
he's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the
number
one, so he's decided to go on holiday. He calls all his super-being

mates up and they pop around to discuss a few suggestions. "What about

Mars," says one of them. "Nah I went there 15,000 years ago," says

God, "it was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty." "What about
Pluto,"
suggests another. "Nah I went there about 10,000 years ago," says

God. "Fucking freezing it was too." "What about Mercury," says

another. "It's nice but I went there about 5,000 years ago, I nearly

What's the moral of the story
about
Jonah and the whale ?
You can't keep a good man down !

Q. How do you make holy water?
A. Boil
the hell out of it.

Who was the best actor in the bible

?
Samson, he brought the house down !

Who designed Noah's ark?
An ark-itect
!

Examiner: I think you know very little, if

anything at all, about the Bible. Can you quote any passage?

Student: 'Judas departed and went and hanged himself.'

Examiner: Well, that's a surprise. Can you quote another?

Student:
'Go thou and do likewise.'

What's black and
white, black and
white, black and white?
A nun rolling down a hill.

What did Adam do when he wanted some
sugar?
He raised Cain.

Three Pastors from the south were having

lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been

having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've
tried
everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away.

Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my
belfry and
in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they
won't go
away."

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and
made them members of the
church... Haven't seen one back since!"