Restaurant jokes

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner

one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken

almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have
that," the woman says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he
asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.

An American tourist was lunching in a
restaurant
in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained
each dish as
he brought it to the table. "This is the breast of the
duck; this the
leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc."
Then came the
dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited
for the explanation.
Silence. "Well?" he finally asked, "What's
this?" The waiter
replied, "It's a friend of duck."

There was an awful fight at the seafood
restaurant.
Four fish got battered!

Q:What did one plate say to the other
plate?
A:('Lunch is on me!')

Sign at restaurant reads:
Eat here diet
home

The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant

recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket

approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?"
"Go
down the hall and turn left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you
see
the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on

in."

Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play

requests?
Yes, sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've
finished my
meal.

"What's the matter with your dinner
?"
"Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor

later what I've eaten !"

Young woman sat down in small

restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order.
"I'll have a hamburger
please."
"Burger!" she yelled over her shoulder. Then woman added.
"Make that
well done."
Waitres turned away again.
"Torture
it!" she yelled.

A out-of-towner in New York at the height
of the tourist season
decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd
enjoyed on a previous
trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of
an overworked waiter, he
said, "You know, it's been over five
years since I first came in here."

"You'll have to wait your turn,
sir," replied the harried and now
irritated waiter, "I can only
serve one table at a time."